If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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