There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize