WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
