I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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