I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
