Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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