tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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