I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
