I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
People in love make me want to vomit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
