If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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