ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
