I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
