Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He shit in the fireplace
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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