She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
