i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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