Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
