This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even my vagina gasped.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
