I'm so fucking centered right now
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
