when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jerry, you need to find god
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
