Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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