it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Two words: blizzard sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
