it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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