Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
