I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
