I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
