She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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