but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
