Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
