Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
