I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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