Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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