i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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