If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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