I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
