"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
third nipple confirmed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
