I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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