Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
