well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
