Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
