I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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