found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
