TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
