You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You just made me feel so damn special
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
