So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
