last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
