tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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