So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
