that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize