I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
