Tell her she can't have a vagina
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
