More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
