yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
