Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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