its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize