Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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