she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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