FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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