Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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