C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
