We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
