there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
