He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
