Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
