That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
