Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please, let me fuck your mom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
