just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
