is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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