It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
