I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
